This is the second part of The Yankee Doctor chapter on The Great Roach Trick. See yesterday's post for part one.
“Ahaaaa! Ohoooooo! God!” That was just a few of the things Doctor Carl said as he tried to get up, and, of course, Miss Tina let out a scream to end all screams as they tried to get to the door, but heck, after stepping in all them roaches, their shoes were so slippery that they’d take a step, fall down again, and then crawl through more roaches than you’ve ever seen in your entire life, cursing loudly, slapping roaches off as they slipped around on the slick floor. Doctor Carl finally crawled to the door, grabbed the doorknob, and started pushing, trying to get the door open. They was so many roaches on his white doctor coat that it was almost brown. We could hear him from across the street.
“The door won’t open!” he screamed as he pushed with Miss Tina yelling in his ear to let her out of that office or she was gonna die. Course, all the commotion and stomping on the roaches got them roaches all upset. You know, most of the time, roaches just scurry around on the floor and crawl up walls, but if they get all worked up they can fly. Well, these roaches—after being cooped up in a sack all night and now being stepped on and slapped―started to flit around like a bunch of super mosquitoes, and pretty soon the office looked like a big brown blur of flying water bugs, let me tell you something right now: Stepping on roaches and slapping them off your leg ain’t nothing compared to having them fly into you face and hair. We thought things couldn’t get no worse, but, shoot, when them roaches started dive-bombing Miss Tina and Doctor Carl the whole dang thing just went out of this world crazy.
“Carl! Carl! They’re up my leg again! Ahaaaaaa! They’re in my hair! Ahaaaaaaa! One flew in my mouth! Help me Carl! Open that damned door, or I’m going to die!”
Doctor Carl pushed and pulled that door so hard that he slipped down again, and knocked Miss Tina back against the front wall where about fifty roaches fell off right down in that Yankee red hair. You ain’t never seen a woman’s hands move so fast trying to knock them roaches outta her hair. Doctor Carl only made it to his knees before he fell down again. After cussing like crazy he crawled over to an office chair, picked it up, and yelled at Miss Tina.
“Tina, get away from the door!”
Then Doctor Carl threw the chair through the door glass, stepped through the broken glass, and managed to pull out the board we’d put under the door. Finally they both ran out still slapping at roaches. Miss Tina was so upset she was just a-quivering, and Doctor Carl grabbed her and pointed to his car across the street.
“Quick, get in the car!” he yelled.
When he said that, me and John Clayton looked at each other and almost split a gut thinking about Miss Tina jumping in Doctor Carl’s big car which was full of roaches. We could see them sticking to the car windows from across the street.
Miss Tina pulled her skirt down, and she and Doctor Carl ran over to his car, opened the doors, and jumped in.
“Ahaaaaa! Ahaaaaaa!”
“Whooooo! Whooooo!”
Miss Tina let out another ear piercing scream and another and another.
“The car’s full of roaches!” screamed Miss Tina as she frantically tried to get out. Well, Miss Tina was pretty fast getting outta that car, but since she’d sat down on top of maybe thirty or forty roaches a bunch of them got out of the car with her hanging on to her skirt, and a few managed somehow to get in that funny colored red hair. Doctor Carl was cursing and yelling like nothing I’ve ever heard, while he knocked roaches off his suit, but Miss Tina was a whole ’nother thing, and I thought for a minute she had totally lost it as she danced and screamed while trying to rid herself of the more active roaches.
“Carl, help! Get this damn roach out of my hair!” she screamed.
Doctor Carl slapped a really big one right above Miss Tina’s ear and roach gunk splattered everywhere.
“Oh, oh, damn you, Carl! Now I’ve got roach guts in my hair!”
Finally, they knocked off the last of the roaches, and with Miss Tina crying hysterically, they hurriedly walked around the corner of the block, and I was danged sure they were going to look for Curly.
“Come on, John Clayton, let’s get outta here! Grab that piece of wood you put under the door, and run for the back of Echols Grocery!” John Clayton grabbed the plank he’d shoved under the door, and we high-tailed it to the back door of Echols Grocery. We slipped in, and there was Donnie stacking feed.
“Hey, Donnie, need some help?” I said.
“You’re dang right I do.”
“Well, listen, if we help you, will you promise to tell everybody that asks that we’ve been here all mornin’?”
Well, this little trick was the start of an all out struggle with the evil doctor and his floozy nurse. It was reform school for the boys, or leave town for the doctor and his nurse.
Showing posts with label roaches. Show all posts
Showing posts with label roaches. Show all posts
Thursday, April 2, 2009
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
The Great Roach Trick--part one
Yesterday, I promised to post a little taste of an unpublished (but copyrighted) manuscript called The Yankee Doctor.
Let me set the scene: The boys; Richard and John Clayton are in a struggle with an evil doctor to run him out of town before the Doctor can frame them and have them sent to Reform School. This trick is the beginning of an all out war between them. The boys have found out Miss Tina, the doctor's nurse is deathly afraid of roaches---so what to they do? Of course, they go to the city dump and catch thousands. Here's part one of this prank.
“Okay, John Clayton, this is how we’re gonna do it: When that last patient leaves, and Miss Tina goes back into Doctor Carl’s office, and if the street is clear so we won’t be spotted, we’re gonna run across the street with this toe sack, you’re gonna open the door, and then I’ll slip in and dump the roaches over behind Miss Tina’s desk. After I run out the door you close the door and jam this board under the door. That’ll make them stay with the roaches a little longer.”
“All right, Richard, but you better get ready ’cause the last patient in the waitin’ room just went in.”
Evidently that last patient didn’t have much wrong with him because it weren’t ten minutes until he left Doctor Carl’s office, and Miss Tina stood up and slowly walked into the back office.
“Now―let’s go, run, run!” I whispered.
We dashed across the street, stopping at the office door to look around, to be sure nobody could see us, and as John Clayton held the door open, I ran in and dumped a bunch―oh, I don’t know, maybe about thirty-five or forty pounds―of roaches on the floor behind Miss Tina’s desk. Wow, them roaches was so glad to get outta that sack, that they were scurrying all over the office, climbing up the desk legs, and fanning out all across the floor by the time I got back to the door. I closed the door real softly, John Clayton jammed a flat piece of wood under the bottom of the door, and we started back toward the patch of weeds.
“Hey, John Clayton,” I hissed as we ran, “I’ve still got quite a few roaches in this sack. I guess some of ’em held on to the sack when I tried to dump ’em out.”
“Richard, look, that’s Doctor Carl’s car! See if it’s unlocked!”
“It’s unlocked!”
“Dump the rest of the roaches in the car.”
I opened the car door of that big old Buick and shook the toe sack real good. Shoot, there were a whole lot more roaches in that sack than I thought, and before I could shut the door they was scurrying all over the front seat and even crawling up the dashboard. I shut the door, hurried back to the patch of weeds, and waited for Miss Tina to come back to the front office. In a couple of minutes roaches started climbing up the window and door facing, and even though we were across the street crouched down in a patch of weeds, we could see roaches all over the office. Then it just hit me like a brick: “Oh my god, John Clayton, there’re too many―way, way too many! They’re everywhere! I told you thirty-five pounds of roaches was too many!”
“What? No, you didn’t. In fact, I had to stop you, or we’d have had forty or fifty pounds of roaches.”
“Oh, lord, seven or eight thousand roaches in that little office,” I mumbled.
We were in a panic now and as we watched roaches climb up the plate glass window, my heart was beating so hard I could hear it, and John Clayton started whining about how much trouble we were gonna be in, and how this little trick was gonna get us sent straight to reform school. Right at that moment I wanted more than anything else in the whole, entire world just to have those roaches back in that toe sack, but it was too late―way too late.
Well, we waited and waited and nothing happened; well, except the roaches had spread out to where you could see them almost covering everything in the office. Where was Miss Tina? Evidently Miss Tina and Doctor Carl had a long talk or something, because she stayed and stayed in the back room.
The more we waited the more John Clayton whined, “Dang, Richard, maybe all the roaches will leave if she stays out a little longer.”
“Nahaa, they can’t go nowheres but in that one little room, and man, thirty-five pounds of roaches is a heck of a lot of roaches.” When I said that I had a little choking feeling, but I tried to act as if the eight thousand roaches in that little office didn’t bother me a whit.
“Oh, oh, oh,” moaned John Clayton.
Just then Miss Tina stepped outta the back room and started toward her desk. Her hair looked a little messed up and she was straightening her dress, and I guess she didn’t look down or pay no attention to the floor ’cause she just went straight back to her desk, sat down and started going through some papers. Nothing happened at all. She just started working and me and John Clayton looked at each other in shock.
“Where are all the roaches?” I whispered.
“Maybe they all ran off because she was in the back so long.”
Then Miss Tina lit a cigarette, started to lean back in her chair, and then, whoa, look out Trigger!—things just went crazy.
“Ahaaaaaaaa! Ohaaaaaaaa! Eeeeeeeeeee! Eeeee! Eeeee! Eeee!”
First, there was a bunch of hair-raising screams, which you could’ve heard ten miles away, and Miss Tina jumped up from her desk, slapped her legs, and danced around while she screeched at the top of her lungs. Shoot, that cigarette just flew outta her hand and she hopped around in them highheeled shoes like some wild Indian, but you know something? You can’t dance on a roach carpet because when you step on maybe six or eight roaches at one time it gets real slick on your shoe, and sure enough, there was another whoop and Miss Tina hit the floor. Well, we watched her go down with arms waving and legs kicking and then―my gosh―there was another scream like nothing I’ve ever heard in my whole entire life, and then she jumped up, and I’ll swear on a stack of Bibles, there was roaches all over her. Well, I ain’t never seen anybody slap and yell so much all at the same time. Course, we’d been kinda shocked to start with because Miss Tina was so wild, but after she fell down and jumped up with roaches all over her we rolled on the ground laughing.
“Ahaaaaa, help, help, ahaaaaaa, Carl, come here! There’re roaches everywhere! Ahaaaaaaa, oh, Carl, they’re on my legs! Ahaaaaaaa!”
Then me and John Clayton really started looking because she pulled her skirt all the way up to her panties to slap one of the faster roaches as she screamed and jumped around the office. Heck, I know I was upset about putting too many roaches in that office, but shoot, after Miss Tina went just wild, I stopped thinking about how we’d done too much, and I rolled over and laughed so hard I thought I’d bust a gut.
Course, her screams brought Doctor Carl outta his office, and he saw the roaches right off because Miss Tina was yelling about them and pointing to the roach carpet on the floor, while she was dancing around holding on to the desk to keep from falling down. Doctor Carl stood there for a minute like he didn’t know what to make of it, and before he could move, a bunch of roaches ran up his shoe and right up his pants leg.
“Oh, oh, whooooo! Whoooo!” Then he yelled some really bad words and grabbed Miss Tina by the hand and headed for the door.
“Tina, get out of here!”
Doctor Carl tried to head for the door, and we heard Miss Tina scream: “Be careful Carl! You’ll fall down!”
Shoot, Doctor Carl was so anxious to get outta that office that he just ignored Miss Tina and yanked her toward the door. Well, he didn’t take two steps until he slipped from stepping on the roach carpet, and took Miss Tina down with him. And for a minute they was a big pile of arms and legs with roaches running all over them.
Part two later this week.
Let me set the scene: The boys; Richard and John Clayton are in a struggle with an evil doctor to run him out of town before the Doctor can frame them and have them sent to Reform School. This trick is the beginning of an all out war between them. The boys have found out Miss Tina, the doctor's nurse is deathly afraid of roaches---so what to they do? Of course, they go to the city dump and catch thousands. Here's part one of this prank.
“Okay, John Clayton, this is how we’re gonna do it: When that last patient leaves, and Miss Tina goes back into Doctor Carl’s office, and if the street is clear so we won’t be spotted, we’re gonna run across the street with this toe sack, you’re gonna open the door, and then I’ll slip in and dump the roaches over behind Miss Tina’s desk. After I run out the door you close the door and jam this board under the door. That’ll make them stay with the roaches a little longer.”
“All right, Richard, but you better get ready ’cause the last patient in the waitin’ room just went in.”
Evidently that last patient didn’t have much wrong with him because it weren’t ten minutes until he left Doctor Carl’s office, and Miss Tina stood up and slowly walked into the back office.
“Now―let’s go, run, run!” I whispered.
We dashed across the street, stopping at the office door to look around, to be sure nobody could see us, and as John Clayton held the door open, I ran in and dumped a bunch―oh, I don’t know, maybe about thirty-five or forty pounds―of roaches on the floor behind Miss Tina’s desk. Wow, them roaches was so glad to get outta that sack, that they were scurrying all over the office, climbing up the desk legs, and fanning out all across the floor by the time I got back to the door. I closed the door real softly, John Clayton jammed a flat piece of wood under the bottom of the door, and we started back toward the patch of weeds.
“Hey, John Clayton,” I hissed as we ran, “I’ve still got quite a few roaches in this sack. I guess some of ’em held on to the sack when I tried to dump ’em out.”
“Richard, look, that’s Doctor Carl’s car! See if it’s unlocked!”
“It’s unlocked!”
“Dump the rest of the roaches in the car.”
I opened the car door of that big old Buick and shook the toe sack real good. Shoot, there were a whole lot more roaches in that sack than I thought, and before I could shut the door they was scurrying all over the front seat and even crawling up the dashboard. I shut the door, hurried back to the patch of weeds, and waited for Miss Tina to come back to the front office. In a couple of minutes roaches started climbing up the window and door facing, and even though we were across the street crouched down in a patch of weeds, we could see roaches all over the office. Then it just hit me like a brick: “Oh my god, John Clayton, there’re too many―way, way too many! They’re everywhere! I told you thirty-five pounds of roaches was too many!”
“What? No, you didn’t. In fact, I had to stop you, or we’d have had forty or fifty pounds of roaches.”
“Oh, lord, seven or eight thousand roaches in that little office,” I mumbled.
We were in a panic now and as we watched roaches climb up the plate glass window, my heart was beating so hard I could hear it, and John Clayton started whining about how much trouble we were gonna be in, and how this little trick was gonna get us sent straight to reform school. Right at that moment I wanted more than anything else in the whole, entire world just to have those roaches back in that toe sack, but it was too late―way too late.
Well, we waited and waited and nothing happened; well, except the roaches had spread out to where you could see them almost covering everything in the office. Where was Miss Tina? Evidently Miss Tina and Doctor Carl had a long talk or something, because she stayed and stayed in the back room.
The more we waited the more John Clayton whined, “Dang, Richard, maybe all the roaches will leave if she stays out a little longer.”
“Nahaa, they can’t go nowheres but in that one little room, and man, thirty-five pounds of roaches is a heck of a lot of roaches.” When I said that I had a little choking feeling, but I tried to act as if the eight thousand roaches in that little office didn’t bother me a whit.
“Oh, oh, oh,” moaned John Clayton.
Just then Miss Tina stepped outta the back room and started toward her desk. Her hair looked a little messed up and she was straightening her dress, and I guess she didn’t look down or pay no attention to the floor ’cause she just went straight back to her desk, sat down and started going through some papers. Nothing happened at all. She just started working and me and John Clayton looked at each other in shock.
“Where are all the roaches?” I whispered.
“Maybe they all ran off because she was in the back so long.”
Then Miss Tina lit a cigarette, started to lean back in her chair, and then, whoa, look out Trigger!—things just went crazy.
“Ahaaaaaaaa! Ohaaaaaaaa! Eeeeeeeeeee! Eeeee! Eeeee! Eeee!”
First, there was a bunch of hair-raising screams, which you could’ve heard ten miles away, and Miss Tina jumped up from her desk, slapped her legs, and danced around while she screeched at the top of her lungs. Shoot, that cigarette just flew outta her hand and she hopped around in them highheeled shoes like some wild Indian, but you know something? You can’t dance on a roach carpet because when you step on maybe six or eight roaches at one time it gets real slick on your shoe, and sure enough, there was another whoop and Miss Tina hit the floor. Well, we watched her go down with arms waving and legs kicking and then―my gosh―there was another scream like nothing I’ve ever heard in my whole entire life, and then she jumped up, and I’ll swear on a stack of Bibles, there was roaches all over her. Well, I ain’t never seen anybody slap and yell so much all at the same time. Course, we’d been kinda shocked to start with because Miss Tina was so wild, but after she fell down and jumped up with roaches all over her we rolled on the ground laughing.
“Ahaaaaa, help, help, ahaaaaaa, Carl, come here! There’re roaches everywhere! Ahaaaaaaa, oh, Carl, they’re on my legs! Ahaaaaaaa!”
Then me and John Clayton really started looking because she pulled her skirt all the way up to her panties to slap one of the faster roaches as she screamed and jumped around the office. Heck, I know I was upset about putting too many roaches in that office, but shoot, after Miss Tina went just wild, I stopped thinking about how we’d done too much, and I rolled over and laughed so hard I thought I’d bust a gut.
Course, her screams brought Doctor Carl outta his office, and he saw the roaches right off because Miss Tina was yelling about them and pointing to the roach carpet on the floor, while she was dancing around holding on to the desk to keep from falling down. Doctor Carl stood there for a minute like he didn’t know what to make of it, and before he could move, a bunch of roaches ran up his shoe and right up his pants leg.
“Oh, oh, whooooo! Whoooo!” Then he yelled some really bad words and grabbed Miss Tina by the hand and headed for the door.
“Tina, get out of here!”
Doctor Carl tried to head for the door, and we heard Miss Tina scream: “Be careful Carl! You’ll fall down!”
Shoot, Doctor Carl was so anxious to get outta that office that he just ignored Miss Tina and yanked her toward the door. Well, he didn’t take two steps until he slipped from stepping on the roach carpet, and took Miss Tina down with him. And for a minute they was a big pile of arms and legs with roaches running all over them.
Part two later this week.
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